If our dogs could talk, would they tell us to stop dressing them in ridiculous outfits?

From the look on my dog's face after squeezing him into a Dale Earnhardt Jr. doggie jersey the other day, I'm convinced he hates me. More so than the time I smeared peanut butter on top of his nose.

But unless he stops chewing the corners of my pillows or digging into my memory-foam mattress, I will continue to humiliate him with clothes for canines.

Shopping for dog food the other day, I noticed that our pet store now carries an entire line of NASCAR-centric products and clothing options, from T-shirts and jerseys to leashes and collars. They even make food bowls, Frisbees and chew toys.

I had always noticed the Colts crap, but now Tony Stewart bandanas had a spot next to the Peyton Manning bandanas.

In light of my discovery, I thought I'd allow Charlie, my 6-month-old neurotic English Springer Spaniel, to give his paw of approval, or disapproval for that matter, on the product line.

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Bed bugs

I started with the Jeff Gordon pet bed made by Pit Stop Pets 'n Pals. I couldn't tell which he hated more, the No. 24 or the bed. Regardless, the bed was destroyed in less than 10 minutes.

A checkered flag pillow bed, generous size for most breeds, was made of plush fleece and micro suede. The back: A non-skid black fabric.

Here is where Charlie found product weakness ... err, a place to tear into the bed and promptly pull out all of the polyester fiberfill -- a soft fuzzy material I'm still finding in the corners of our house.

I will admit the black material was a bit thin and not puppy-proof. But had the material maintain the same durability as the fleece front, Charlie might still have a bed. No, wait, he still has a bed: Mine!

Give and tug

Moving on, I chose to see how Charlie would handle the "Meter Tug Rope Toy."

My Puppies for Dummies book advised against tug of war games as it teaches aggressive behavior, but I'm convinced my dog was just born with aggressive tendencies.

He screams at his water bowl when it's empty and then tries to carry it in his mouth.

Good thing: It's ceramic. Bad thing: I think he broke a tooth.

Anyway, he loved the Meter Tug, but the plush part lasted almost as long as the pet bed. Charlie chewed through the plush face while hunting for the squeaker inside and paid no attention to the rope portion. Maybe this was user error.

I figured we'd better try our luck outdoors. We took the Jimmie Johnson "Catch Me if you Can" round disk to the park. This was a big hit because the nylon disk is easier to remove from Charlie's jowls than a traditional plastic Frisbee. We have yet to perfect the "drop it" command. He's only in Week 3 of dog education class.

Pissy foot

Saving the best for last, my husband and I wrestled the Dale Earnhardt Jr. doggie jersey on Charlie's round, contorting, furry frame.

These jerseys, designed by Hunter Manufacturing, are made form a breathable fabric and come in all sorts of colors and different drivers.

At first Charlie looked stunned as if to say "take it off or I will channel my Springer Rage and eat your couch for dinner." Next, he bucked around the house hoping to fling it off. When that didn't work, he nearly broke his neck trying to chew it off.

After about five minutes, he gave up and sulked into a corner with the most perturbed look on his face.

I almost felt sorry for him. That was until I took him outside to go potty. Remember the jersey is still on. He proceeded to do his business right into the baggy portion of the jersey blousing over his belly! Nice Charlie, real nice. Until he learns to lift his leg, no more dog clothes. Sorry, Charlie!

At the end of our experiment, Charlie and I agreed that less is best. He reminded me that just because Paris Hilton started the ridiculous trend of dressing dogs in pink tutus doesn't mean we should.

He wears his Dale Jr. collar and retrieves his Jimmie Johnson disk at the park. That's the extent of his NASCAR pride.

Humanizing our pets

And Bill Brown of Hunter Mfg. is happy to welcome Charlie as one of his new customers. He's among thousands buying NASCAR and driver-specific pet gear these days.

"We've actually been licensing pet products for over 10 years but the demand has exploded in the last three years," said Brown, who for the first time this year rolled out his product line at Petco.

Sales are strong, but you knew that. Pet product spending in 2008 is expected to exceed $10.5 billion, according to the American Pet Products Manufacturers Association.

People will continue to spend above and beyond on their pets as the population ages and pets take the place of children at home. Another group with large buying power: DINKS. They are "double income no kids" married couples who humanize their animals until they choose to parent "real children." Um, hi -- me, guilty as charged!

Pet parents are upgrading necessities, such as holistic foods, designer leashes and clothing. These luxuries are not so unusual any more. Today our pets live parallel lives. They can stay in hotels, they have insurance, they have access to their own bakeries and even go to doggie daycare.

Brown said to expect more and more NASCAR pet products to enter the market next year. He's also in talks with NASCAR drivers and Petco to possibly put on a pet fashion show.

Well Charlie may not be a driver's dog, but he can loose-leash walk with the best of them.

And just because Charlie still pees on his feet, doesn't make him any less of a dog!

Woof!

The opinions expressed are solely of the writer.